Exobiology and the Possibilities of Alien Life

Holden: I’m stoned. It's nighttime and there are stars in the sky. Let’s talk about aliens.

Nathan: I like aliens. Or the idea of aliens.

Holden:

Nathan: Brilliant quote. The concept that we could be completely alone in the insurmountable vastness of the universe is more terrifying to me that the alternative. But back to aliens.

Holden: Yes: there’s a field of science called exobiology — the study of extraterrestrial life. That there is such a field means that there are people out there getting paid to study and discuss aliens and that blows fucking my mind. How cool is that?

Nathan: Way cool. But I’ve got a bone to pick with the portrayal of our interactions with aliens in science fiction and pop culture.

Holden: Pick away.

Nathan: Why don’t we ever see the interaction of alien diseases on us and vice versa? Look at what disease did to Amerindians when it came from halfway across the planet. Imagine what pathogens from halfway across the universe would do...

Holden: You mean intergalactic smallpox? Terrifying.

Nathan: I guess it would be less interesting to watch than Predator.

Holden: Epidemic space-disease movies, I imagine, would be quite quick and linear (unless zombies are involved).

Nathan: Space Zombies. Get on it Spielberg. [1]

Holden: What fascinates me about anything alien-related is the complete mystery: alien life-forms could differ from earth’s incarnation in every imaginable way. Everything is up for grabs.

Nathan: Seriously. Aliens portrayed as more developed bugs has been done a lot, but as different as that is, it doesn’t even scratch the surface of what kind of bizarre life forms we could run into.

Holden: Exactly. Do we even assume that evolution is galactically uniform?

Nathan: I mean, all things die, and the ones that survive pass on their genes. So yes.

Holden: I don’t even know. Is DNA uniform, too? Genetic material at least? We aren’t even sure if alien life forms would come in the cell-format that characterizes earthly life..

Nathan: Yeah no guarantees there, but for a species to evolve, their traits that allow them to stay alive need to be passed on. So, no clue if it’s DNA, or even something cell based, but there has to be a mechanism to pass on genetic material or aliens would never evolve past single cell organisms — or the lowest form of the alien equivalent.

Holden: I’m no exobiologist (but fuck I wish I was) so I hesitate to make anything resembling an absolute claim. But on we go. Here’s one: gender. Does it exist? Are there two or three or more? Or what I’m really saying: is there alien sex?

Nathan: I’ve always wondered that. Could you imagine needing four genders to reproduce? What kind of societies would develop from a species like that?

Holden: Holy fuck. I want to write a book on a four-gendered society. Imagine the Kama Sutra of a four-gendered people. What gets stuck in where by who? And you’re right, the societal implications and manifestations of a more gendered people is utterly fascinating.

Nathan: Who says there even needs to be sticking? Wait, new thought. Do you think they would have religions?

Holden: My terrestrial head is exploding. Religions. What if they have justified religions? As in religions based on certifiable and empirical evidence — aberrations that appear supernatural to us and are treated as deities. Everything is possible.

Nathan: Could you imagine Mormon missionaries going to other planets to try and convert people? Hello, reality show gold.

Holden: I’m sure they’d be wearing the standard Mormon outfit, even in outer space. I wonder if they already have alien plans in place.

Nathan: Well the Catholics definitely do.

Holden: Farsighted religious institutions… novel. Okay one last facet: communication. Do these alien life forms communicate? How? Is language universal among evolved life forms?

Nathan: If they find us first I’d imagine some form of communication would have developed. Maybe just not like how we use it. Both the Gravemind in Halo and the Hive Queen in Ender's Game are examples of one entity relaying orders to a whole species at once.

Holden: Fuck. That’s awesome. Or what if they communicate in a way that we can’t even conceive or imagine? In a manner to which we here on earth have no analogy. Or — even more beautiful — is all life in the universe analogous to some degree?

Nathan: Dude, that’s deep.

Holden: The universe is deep.

Nathan: Well, actually it’s more infinitely expanding in all directions.

Holden: Is there anything deeper than that fact? We are constantly being buried deeper and deeper into the folds of the universe as it expands.

Nathan: That’s also deep.

Holden: Let’s roll another joint.

Nathan: Oy.

[1] After we wrote this I actually looked up space zombies and turns out there was indeed a movie called Zombies From Outer Space released in 2012. Sigh.